We live in a world of noise.
Conversations are becoming shorter.
Social media has raised the bar of broadcasting. But it has reduced our attention span to a few minutes. We get attracted to warning signs, breaking news, bold letters, and big strong prints. We do not have patience for slow, steady, calm, and subtle.
There is much talking in the boardroom, but not much listening. Most successful leaders and negotiators spend a lot of time listening, and very little talking. Listening has plenty of advantages.
Listening helps us understand the other side. It helps us connect, build trust, and build rapport. Friendships are formed. When we listen, we give them time to express. In turn, we allow the other person to listen to us.
Want to be a better listener and leader? Check out our Leadership Coaching.
Contents [hide]
How to know if you are talking to a good listener?
You are amidst a good listener when you feel like they care about you. That they are interested in what you have to say. You return feeling content after a conversation like it went your way.
Listeners do these 5 things well:
- They can read between the lines. They do this by analyzing what is not said. They understand that gestures, body posture, tone of voice There are plenty of signs one notices even before you can respond. The body picks these at a subtle level.
- They look into your eyes. While speaking, they maintain eye contact. They are mindful, interested, and curious. They show genuine interest in understanding your POV.
- They are curious. They ask open-ended questions. They are open-minded and gain access to your perspective by asking questions. This puts us at ease and creates a safety net for expression.
- They do not interrupt. Interruption can prematurely terminate a conversation. They let them talk without breaking the other’s thought process. They refrain from suggestions early in the conversation.
- They are non-judgemental and respect your experience. They do not pass cliched comments “Oh, how sad!” “Life goes on,” “Oh, you got it easy.” Instead, they may ask/say, “Oh! Tell me more!” “I want to hear more about it.” “and then what happened?” It would sound tailored to your experience.
Conversations can be light and refreshing with a good listener. We can wonder if there are very few good listeners. Why is it so hard to listen?
This is because of the stimulation all around us. They tug and distract us from being in the present. At the end of it all, one does not have the emotional, logical, and reasoning capabilities to listen.
In his TED talk, Julian Treasure gives tips on improving our listening skills. He says we listen from either of two positions.
Reductive listening:
It reduces all content into what is relevant vs irrelevant. It is a style that focuses on the key issues, summarizing. The aim is to problem-solve and get over it.
For ex. Gaurav says “I’ve got this problem.”
Chandru says “Oh, I have this solution.”
Gaurav says “Thank you very much, that helps.”
End of conversation.
Where I use it:
- Some of the problem-solving conversations at home.
- Team meetings with colleagues where we are coordinating action.
- In WhatsApp groups where there is information-seeking.
- Where I have a good rapport and a brief pointed conversation will not be mistaken.
Expansive listening:
This is listening with the other. It has no clear destination. The conversations are open, and people in it are enjoying the journey. They face each other, making eye contact. Practicing expansive listening helps in building trustworthy relationships. It can even save difficult relationships.
Where I use it:
- In counseling where the contract is support, care, healing
- Coaching conversations
- Groups where leaders may bring complex situations with different angles to understand
- When someone has a new idea and may go to different dimensions, not contained.
Learning to be a deliberate, active listener is key to relationships everywhere.
In this talk, William Ury makes a very important distinction on what the world would look like if more people listened. Holding an intention to listen is enough to save relationships.
Listening does not mean one has to agree with everything being said. One can disagree and still be an attentive listener. It is also not needed that all conversations must end in mutual agreement. Agree to disagree. An intention of having a listening environment is enough. Where the vast majority can have their spaces to talk and feel heard and understood. That is the whole point of conversations.
Leaders can be good listeners with these 3 practices.
Begin with self-observation.
Observe how you are while talking. Are you being a reductive listener or an expansive listener? Become observant of your assessments and inner chatter. Hold awareness of how clear you are of what you are seeking in a conversation
Practice silencing the mind.
It helps to pause during a conversation. Before a sensitive meeting, take time to be with yourself. Create space to process thoughts around the feelings that arise in you. Observing feelings are important or they sabotage good listening. Create the time needed to observe, reflect then react. While observing, we notice our body sensations too.
Practicing some quiet meditative practice or a centering practice can be very helpful. It allows us to collect our thoughts, feelings and all that is arising inside of us.
Learn the nuances of non-verbal communication.
Experts believe 70-90% of our communication is non-verbal. We pick up and respond to thousands of non-verbal clues. They include gestures, body language, tone of voice, and facial expressions. We are programmed to prioritize non-verbal signs over verbal responses. For ex. I ask my colleague in a normal, friendly tone “How are you?” She responds in an angry tone, not looking at me, brows tightened, snapping at me “I am fine!” I understand she is not fine. Tune into the nonverbal to get sharper with your listening.
Want to grow as a leader? Find the right program for you. Explore now.
Conclusion
Leadership is just not only about making decisions. It is about understanding people, fostering trust, and creating space for innovation. By actively listening leaders empower their teams, strengthen relationships, and drive engagement. Listening isn’t just a skill—it’s one of the leadership superpowers.
